A Mind with a Heart of Its Own

You know how people hate watch? They hate watch The Bachelor, watching it only to be snarky.  They hate watch Real Housewives of Atlanta, just to feel superior.  While I am a huge endorser of both snark and superiority, and the synergy created by a pairing of the two, I watch my TV the way your grandma made cookies, with love. (In the interest of full disclosure, my grandmother did not make cookies, as doing so had the potential for making the kitchen less than spotless, and she once even scolded me for making toast as it “made the kitchen hot,” but still, I think you understand what I mean, especially if your own grandmother was a little less OCD and a little more TLC.)

So, on tonight’s schedule I had to choose between hopping the L out to Brooklyn with the Girls, heading across the pond to hang at Downton Abbey, and getting a little sun in South Beach with Kourtney and Kim.  And the winner was - - Kourtney and Kim Take Miami.  Because… that’s honestly what I expected to enjoy most.  It is straight entertainment, no nuance, no social commentary – just fun.  I laugh out loud when I hear Scott referred to as LD, short for Lord Disick, a reference to the time he bought himself an English title.  I follow his walking stick (that’s right, his walking stick) on Facebook, because it literally fills me with glee.  I discuss, with my boss no less, why he (that would be Scott, not his walking stick) and Kourtney have not gotten married, despite having two children (Mason and Penelope – I know their names!).

When I watch Hannah Horvath, I have to work through layers.  She is self-indulgent and utterly un-self-aware; do I hate her for that? Do I view her as representative of her generation? What is the statement she makes by never, ever seeming to have a bra on when she disrobes? Why does she disrobe as often as she does? But, even more importantly, why does she wear that romper shorts thing that, if we are being truly honest here, would look good on only one human on the planet, Taylor Swift, who would sooner appear on Kourtney and Kim than Girls. Although her appearing on Downton Abbey would be even more of a long shot. Back to the romper – maybe Hannah disrobes so often because when she is clothed, her body is enrobed in that heinous romper.  Problem solved! But see how hard I had to work?

So I watch Kourtney and Kim (and Khloe and Lamar and Keeping Up) because I like it.  I watched the Real Housewives of New York until my hatred for Ramona became an obstacle.  It was no longer fun, but just me seething at the bug-eyed monster that is she, and I get enough seething in real life.  Just watch the colors my face turns as I explain to the person who disingenuously cuts ahead of me at Duane Reade because she just didn’t realize the 7 people standing in a line with baskets full of items were actually waiting to pay.  She thought maybe we were all checking out the Us Weekly cover.  Well, one of us was.  They had a story on LD!